Ex-Premier's Luxury Nesting-Burrow Revealed

Transurban engineers putting the finishing paperwork on Brisbane's much-maligned Legacy Way received a surprise today when the radioactive beams sent out by specialized tunnel equipment disturbed the winter nest-hive of disgraced former State-level public servant Campbell Newman.

Minutes before officially opening the mysterious tunnel, experts had deployed high-powered lidar and GPS bursts to ensure it was in the right place, and were surprised when Newman and two of his symbiote pod-mates emerged blinking into the orange winter night. 

Not seen for many moons, sacked public servant Campbell Newman (west) emerged from his burrow, artlessly flanked by two of his symbiote pod-mates.

It is understood that Newman, hibernating for the winter in his taxpayer-funded luxury lair and kept warm only by his compactness, had been electrocuted awake by the exotic gamma-pulses of Transurban location-finders. Thinking it two years ago, when he was still in a position to impose his relevance on us, he and his sac-brood quickly attached poor-fitting suits from their kill-pile, and scurried out to where they assumed cameras would be waiting, failing to notice that there was only one camera and it was to their right.

Witnesses claim the beings emerged from this non-organic bolthole, circled above.

Little is known about the so-called "Legacy Way" or its purpose or intent. Griffith University researchers have long assumed it to be a method for conveying auto-vehicles, but have yet to gather any evidence of said implements being used in or on it, and have received no oral or written reports from drivers intending to use it except by mistake.

Fascist Tank From 1918 Sent to Canberra to Reinforce Federal Government

Fairfax webloid and content aggregator Brisbane Times has today reported that the Queensland Museum's prized "Mephisto" - an army tank invented by evil fascists in 1917 - has had her dimensions inputted into Australia Post's online postage calculator in order to get an estimated cost for delivery to Canberra, which is to the south.

German World War I tank "Mephisto" this morning, with consignment notice attached to ensure accurate and speedy delivery.

"Mephisto" is one of only one remaining A7V tanks designed and built by the glorious German Reich, and was intended to crush lefties and liberals in France during World War I, which the Germans had started.

She was captured by the loutish jackaroos of the Australian 7th Brigade at Villers-Bretonneux in 1918, and shipped back to Queensland aboard a big steamer. Since then she has patrolled the streets of Brisbane, discouraging traffic from ungnarling itself by turning left or right off primary arterials to take alternate routes.

"This 30 ton instrument of the ravenous Deutsches Kaiserreich - the 'Dutch blanketfeet' - has proved remarkably useful for making things extremely inconvenient around the city of Brisbane for close to a thousand years," said Sandy McSnackerson, spokesmouth for the Queensland Museum.

"Twisted by the Warp, the forces of Chaos have taken firm hold inside her cold iron belly, turning her soul to black, if a tank could be said to have a soul. We understand that the Kaiser himself uttered the vowel-less incantations that gave her life beyond death," she said.

"So when representatives of the ruling Liberal party, currently obstructing reality in Canberra, approached the Museum and demanded an apparatus that would be symbolic of their archaic attitudes and almost comical intransigence, we knew we had just the thing to bolster their forces," McSnackerson continued.

"Plus, with her hot-riveted 30mm steel hulls, she's at least half as thick as any of them!" she concluded.

Postage of "Mephisto" from Brisbane 4000 to Canberra 2600 has been estimated at $16,300.

Queensland Museum representatives assured The Disgorger that the tank will need to be signed for at the other end, otherwise the courier will leave a missed delivery card and the addressee will have to pick it up themselves from the nearest post office the next morning, unless somebody else finds the card and just makes up a couple of signatures to put on the back, because Australia Post honestly has no idea and you could be anybody at all.

Exclusive! Treasurer Joe Hockey's Face Actually Rear Seat of a BMW 3 Series

The Disgorger can reveal that Australian Treasurer Joe Hockey's face is actually the rear seat of a BMW 3 Series.

Capital Hill sources today leaked a rare image of Hockey with his face fully uncovered, capturing the Treasurer's image just as he returned from a cigar break.

Joe Hockey, with shields up, seen here at a Parliament House security guard's birthday bash. 

Hockey, who owns only one suit and demands lighting levels constantly be changed in the House of Representatives to hide this fact, has yet to be seen by the Australian public without obscuring the lower portion of his head behind a dried-out sausage finger shield.

A notorious "freegan", Hockey looks on with disgust as the security guard prepares to blow out the birthday candles on his Coles chocolate mud cake.

But wily, keen-eyed insiders prowling the hallways and echelons of power at Canberra's Parliament House managed to snap a digital photograph of the Treasurer as he came back in off the balcony after a smoke. Still sluggish from his 10:45am Montecristo Edmundo, Hockey was unable to erect his customary face-shield swiftly enough.

EXCLUSIVE PIC!!!

Joe Hockey has denied allegations that his face is the rear seat of a BMW 3 Series.

It is understood that Joe Hockey's BMW 3 Series face comes in "Cinnamon Brown", with the central armrest folding out and moving up and down when he talks.

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